On the 9th month of our journey to conceive, with two women aged 40, we were blessed to see that second line one morning in July. The timing was absolutely perfect. I would be 12 weeks pregnant on our wedding day, and we would announce to our families on our joyous day. My 6 year old son, from a previous marriage, was over the moon. He said he had been waiting his whole life to be a big brother.
Finally, the stars aligned for our little family. Then less than two weeks later, it was all torn away. I noticed a tiny spot of blood and in my heart, I knew. I did not anticipate the devastation that followed. It wasn’t just losing a brand new pregnancy; it was losing the entire life of the child to be, that I had already envisioned. All the plans we had made in our minds and in our hearts, they were gone too. Some days, I feel like I’ll never be as happy as I was before that moment. I heal some each day, but it changed me. This experience will always stay with me. I well up with tears once in awhile, for no reason, except a flash of what might have been.
We continue our journey to grow our family and we strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. Reasons we aren’t meant to understand. I have been lucky enough to experience the joy of pregnancy and motherhood once in this life. I believe I meant to do so again. So, onward. It’s worth it in the end ❤️.
- A, S, and AJ